Want to change but not ready to act?

To break a bad habit or negative cycle, you need be ready to change. But don’t be demotivated if you’re not yet in the right headspace – contemplating change still counts as taking a step forward.

Six stages of change

According to the ‘stages of behaviour change’ model, the average person progresses through six key stages before they consistently do things differently. These are:

1.         Unaware

2.         Contemplative

3.         Preparing

4.         Taking action

5.         Maintenance

6.         Termination

Wanting to change is stage two – the contemplative stage – and in my view this phase gets an unjustifiable bad wrap.

Here’s why

Recognising the possible need for change but being emotionally and practically unprepared to act is usually a sign of being in the ‘contemplative’ stage. This is why a textbook stage two-er is often perceived as a procrastinator or ambivalent. However, when a person is figuring out if they need to change, theres usually a lot of activity going on under the surface. A person at this stage will often be weighing up their situation and assessing the pro’s and con’s of doing things differently. They will be thinking through the costs and benefits of stamping out a bad habit or unwinding an entrenched unhelpful behaviour, and this includes grappling with potential feelings of grief that can go hand in hand with change. Yes – you red that correctly – when we’re thinking about giving something up that we enjoy, we feel a sense of loss and typically we experience these negative feelings even when we can see that, logically, changing our habits or behaviours will help over the longer term.

Make the most out of ‘wanting’ change

In addition to stage two offering an opportunity to build up awareness of our situation, we are also very receptive to information during this stage. Healthcare researchers have shown that people who are considering change often scour the internet and other sources for details of strategies that could help them succeed. This is a step that psychologically-informed coaches use – during sessions we often ask questions that support clients to identify solutions that could work for them.

We also encourage focusing on the positives of change and the potential gains. When it comes to issues relating to money, studies from the fields of behavioural economics and cognitive science have shown humans suffer from a cognitive bias known as loss aversion, in which the same situation is perceived as worse if it is framed as a loss rather than a gain. Focusing on the gain – the benefits of behaviour or habit change – can therefore help us to navigate or even avoid many of the pitfalls that can stand in the way of progress, such as unhelpful or defeatist self-talk that can persuade us not to act at all.

So next time you find yourself wanting to make a change but noticing that you aren’t quite ready, lean into the good things that stage two can offer: analyse your situation, research your options, strategies, and resources, and develop a laser-guided focus on the gains that you stand to make.